Losing Charla (http://www.thirdage.com/friendship/losing-charla#) made me think of my cousin Carol, who died of breast cancer. I was living in a different state when she went through her first bout and my mom didn't even tell me about it because she didn't think we were that close. Hey! Just because we hadn't spent a lot of time together over the years didn't mean I wouldn't have been there to support her as best I could. When I heard the story later, I realized how much she meant to me. She had lived a good 10 years cancer-free, during which I saw more of her; but it came back in her 50s. I was still raising my youngest child in a different state, but I did manage to visit more. When it seemed chemo wasn't working, her sister-in-law came from Australia to take care of her. I visited as often as I could, both for Carol and to give Janine a chance to get out and to talk to someone about her stress as a caregiver. Toward the end Janine called me to say Carol wanted to have a special lunch for my visit. She gave Janine her recipe for chicken salad and directed how the table should be set. Carol couldn't eat anything, but she did sit at the table and on the couch for a great visit before she had to get back in bed. I found out in later years, Carol had always wanted to be a part of our unit of 3 sisters. Even though she was accomplished, smart, and funny, she felt left out. We never knew. I hope I was able to convey that she was loved before she died. She certainly made me feel that I was important to her, for which I am grateful. She opened her heart and showed she cared. Make sure you do the same now -- start before someone has cancer and you'll have so many more happy memories.
Hi Lois--You are such a terrific writer. I have always thought so. Thank you for this beautiful tribute to our friend. As you know, I was her "TV Coach" for nearly 18 years--she became a dear and special friend, early on. I was so proud of the work we did on over 200 segments and speeches. During that time I always had an 'advance' on every imaginable beauty and consumer tip and product...it was fun collaboration and I always learned from her. We had a great work "process" and came up with many of the Charla-isms which supported her "brand image". She was unique and always went the extra distance to go way beyond the editorial copy, around which her media appearances were focused. She worked harder than anyone else to get her appearances just right and she convinced me to work harder (not to mention later--til we heard back from producers around our copy at sometimes mid-night--right along with her. What you have written here (that is your amazing gift) are so many of the special ways I will always think of Charla... and I simply have no idea where I will get my beauty advice and counsel!! By the way, she hated my glasses with no frames which cost me 1k convincing me they were OL (old lady--per her book "How Not To Look Old"). So I can also relate to the teeth and Latisse admonishments She always wanted us to look and be our best. She demanded much of herself and everyone around her. She was an original. She was generous, loving and ultimately kind. I miss her so much. Thank you for putting so many feelings about our "chum" into your perfect words--for me, too.
Dearest Diana,You are a true inspiration. Your tsgenrth in choosing to address this as a life opportunity and your dedication to live each day so fully is admirable (and good advice to anyone, not just those dealing with cancer). I went through similar treatments in 2002, and you are so right: it is WE who choose how to face our circumstances. I cannot put into words how much your bravery, your compassion, and your dignified journey mean to me and, I am sure, to all who read your posts. We are proud to call you friend . Rob G
I don't know if it's because I didn't get the memo, but this is the first oncoenticn between the color meme and breast cancer that I've seen. The awareness-raising had dropped out by the time it got to me. Maybe that's a good thing.Thanks for focusing attention back on breast cancer. I'm married to a survivor and watched two people I loved very much die from cancer. Their cancers began in various parts of the body, but the treatment and human misery have much in common. You're right. There's absolutely nothing sexy about it.We are not big supporters of the pink ribbon campaign in our family, but it's easy to get cynical in the face of these campaigns and do nothing, so I appreciate your suggestions for action towards the end of your post. Here's my contribution:, which raises awareness of the hypocrisy of manufacturers who use bovine growth hormones linked to a variety of human cancers, including breast cancer, while also claiming to fight cancer. Apparently they successfully lead a campaign for Yoplait to go rBGH-free.
I don't think it's just corporations who are happy to find a cause that they can spruopt without ticking somebody off. I think everybody is glad to have something that doesn't get them in trouble with some public scold or professional busybody enforcing the latest edicts of correctness. Really, it's hard to find an untouched cause these days-- I mean, even in the middle of all the Katrina stuff, you had people slagging the Red Cross and suggesting the Salvation Army instead-- oh yeah, like GigantiCorp can spruopt a Christian organization without controversy!The other point about heart disease versus breast cancer is that one has at least vague relation to personal behavior and the other is a bolt from the heavens, basically. That's scarier, in sort of the same way that people are more afraid of airplanes (over which they have no control) than cars (which they imagine they can control) even though statistically that's illogical.
What irritates me about the beasrt cancer foundation is that they only focus their awareness towards one form of cancer and blow off other people with different types of cancer in their walks. Guess what? There are LOTS of forms of cancer out there! They do not recognize people in their walks that are cancer patients unless it's beasrt cancer. They also require your team to raise a minimum of $ 2500 to be able to do the walk in the first place. Therefore, if you have only 11 bucks to donate, they dismiss you you'd think that every dollar would be acceptable to walk along a public place to raise awareness and fund research to find a cure. I walk with the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society in their event called Light the Night. They don't require a minimum donation and provide different colored balloons for patients, supporters, and in memory of those lost to cancer not just Leukemia, Lymphoma, or other forms of blood cancer ALL TYPES OF CANCER. I have Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. My mother was a beasrt cancer survivor. I have nothing against raising money for cancer research; in fact, I absolutely hope that more people donate to help to find a cure for cancer and to provide the funds needed for research for drugs that improve people's lives. I just don't like charity snobs. I know they are trying to raise as much money in as large amounts as possible, but I think shunning people who are not able to raise their minimum is the wrong way to go about it. Every penny counts why turn any away?!!